if you are working hard on a diet, vegan, or otherwise against foods that are bad for you, i implore you to STOP READING right now.
for those of you who don’t care, or find these things interesting, please continue.
okay, so around the office (and before i started trying to eat healthier) i’m known as our primary bacon-lover. all things bacon, i either find out about first, or try first.
(yes, i’ve even tried Jack-In-The-Box’s Bacon Shake (and it was pretty good))
anyway, in my quest to create and experiment with new foods, my gf and i decided to create The Unnecessary Burger.
why title this burger as such? well i has at least 3 unnecessary steps in it to achieve artery-clogging goodness.
Step 1: COOK BACON
BACON!!!
now honestly, this is possibly the most necessary step to achieve the Unnecessary Burger. i mean, bacon’s sweet savory deliciousness is beyond compare. i have literally had days where i’ve just cooked a whole pound of bacon and based the day’s entire meal plan around that. it’s meaty and fantastic! but most importantly, save the grease for the next few steps!
Step 2: cook meat patties in bacon grease.
like swimming in a vat of awesome
first unnecessary step here. the only reason man shouldn’t use a grill for making hamburgers is if they don’t have a grill, in which case they’re probably a woman in disguise (j/k). seriously, unless there is at least 4 feet of snow outside and you have a grill, GRILL YOUR DAMN HAMBURGERS!! in this case however, this step is completely unnecessary. except it’s awesome. ever had deep fried meats? of course you have! ever had that meat fried in bacon grease? i think not. two words: FLAVOR INFUSION.
now, on to the next unnecessary step:
Step 3: add more meat!
because a burger isn’t meaty enough on it’s own
holy god in heaven. does a hamburger NEED more meat? simple answer: no. but this is totally unnecessary, so that means it’s go time. i had pepperoni, and needed a reason to eat it with dinner (without the hassle of making a pizza). then i came to the next problem: how do you keep pepperoni from sliding off that sweet piece of heaven?
CHEESE.
CHEESE!!
most people want cheese on their burgers, and this burger is clearly no exception, also it’s important for proper food adhesion.
Step 4: ADDING THE BACON!
seriously, could this burger get any better?
time to put that delicious bacon to use. throw it on that cheesy goodness, and they will stay put! thankfully, we’re almost done here, so you don’t have to be putting yourself through the hell that is not being able to eat this yet… but then, once the burgers are done, what do you do with all that leftover grease? DO SOMETHING UNNECESSARY. get those buns, and soak up some of that grease while it’s still hot! who likes toasted buns? EVERYONE. who likes bacon? awesome people. so everyone awesome should enjoy a good toasted bacon grease-soaked bun!
its the only thing angels eat in heaven…
so there you have it. The Unnecessary Burger, now if you’re anything like me, you probably gained a pound (of cholesterol) just from reading this. but rest assured, this was a fantastically delicious creation, but i could honestly not eat one of these more than once a month without needing a stint put in.
enjoy.
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